I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
