Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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