So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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