Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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