then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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