she woke up with a sticky ear
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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