I puked a lego.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
