Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
