Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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