Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
