a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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