I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
