I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
