He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
