Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
