i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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