This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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