nut hugger
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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