Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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