you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
