i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I wish there were birth control emojis
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
