Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
