That's when you crack a 10am beer
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
