is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
