This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
