We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
