I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
