Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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