trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
