And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
