he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
