called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
