Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
