so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
