Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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