You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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