I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
