im about as happy as oj after his trial
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
