She is in my trunk
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize