we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i came on her dog
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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