Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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