is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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