very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
