Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
