I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
