put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
