I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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