Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
