the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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