They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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