can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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