Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
