all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
