He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
