i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
