Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
