Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
