hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
