so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
