Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
