why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
