we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
