I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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