what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
