then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize