New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
