He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
