i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
