i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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