You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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