"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just saw a hot homeless man
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
