guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
